Infatuation & Love - Reasons to a failing relationship and tips

I've decided to spare some time to touch on this topic.

The other day, I was browsing through twitter and I chanced upon this quote which says

"  It is scientifically proven that a crush only lasts 4 months. If you still love them after that period, you're truly in love. " 

As I think about it, honestly speaking it made so much sense. What I realise about love and relationships this days is that most of them don't even get past 4 months, majority of them falls under the " infatuation " category. What i think though , of the credibility of the quote it is due to human nature that we " assume " that we know somebody based on first impression.

This is the reason why they say " First impresssion counts ". That's because they do, they really do.

When you're going out with someone for the very first time,  I think it would be natural for you to conceal everything visibly " bad " about you, to show and impress the other party you're going out with. What I mean by being visibly "  bad " are those who're uncouth for example, pretending their all gentleman-ly and stuff. So yeah you get the point right?




The main point is that IF still you love a person for more than 4 months (the process of dating etc etc), it means that the person you'll fallen for is still the same after that period of time.

In other cases, or more commonly cases as to why relationships don't last more than 4months is mainly because as we get to know more about the opposite party, we tend to find out more; Be it their flaws and their nature. Who you may have thought as a goody 2 shoes can turn out to be someone who's nothing but a jerk, slut etc, throughout this 4 months time frame.




Other than this, what are the other common reasons as to why a relationship fails?



Jealousy

It is ironic that we can easily become jealous of our closest friends. It often occurs when there is a feeling of separation and competition. One thing we need to learn is to be happy at the success of others, otherwise sooner or later the jealousy will consume you.

Don't get jealous over petty issues when you're in a relationship. You'll need to learn how to trust as a suspicious mind is more than often very poisonous.  Always remember this, If your partner lets you down, it is not your fault. But if you suspect, because of your own insecurity, you  will be bound to create serious problems in your own relationships.

What your partner can do to help you in overcoming your jealousy is to give you assurance. As simple as that.



Attachment 

There is actually a difference between real love and emotional attachment. For us humans, when we have emotional attachment to someone, we need their attention and presence. When we have excessive attachment to others, we can easily become jealous and demanding. Never over demand as this leads to even bigger problems. Try to talk things out and lower your expectations. The bigger your expectations, the bigger the hurt will be when it all turns out otherwise.

One easy way to counter this would be to develop a strong self belief and inner confidence, we can'tt just rely on others to provide this. Strong relationships need a certain detachment, we need to accept others for what they are, rather than expecting them to give us all their attention.




Domination

Even the closest relationships need to value the individual freedom of others. Problems will inevitably occur when we seek to dominate others. Come on! We're not a lion/wolf pack right? Why not just go easy on others already?


How would it feel if your partner was the one who pesters you 24/7 without giving you any freedom? Or let's say, you have an important work assignment that is due the next day and your partner is consistently bagging you to head out with them? You wouldn't like that would you.


Also, make sure you create time when your partner is the focus of attention; do things that they enjoy doing, and don’t just drag them along to your office parties. But remember to learn how to seperate work and personal issues, never bring home or to your personal life the angerr or any other negative emotions from work.  




Selfishness
Selfishness is  the root of all relationship problems. When we are selfish we think of ourselves first and foremost and more than often ignore the needs of others & become an ego centric. Ego centric people are never easy to live with and tend to be a drainer (practically saps your life from a relationship). When we are selfish we want the praise, support and backing of others but we are not willing to give anything in return. 
Let's just put this in a friendship type of scenario - How would you feel if you've always been there for a friend whenever they need help but disappears when you need emotional support from them? Unhappy isn't it? This applies in all prospect of our lives.  
The main point is to learn how to give and take. Not TAKE EVERYTHING AND NEVER GIVE ANYTHING IN RETURN.
For those who've always been selfish, if you feel that your partner is always taking and never giving, just a tip... Start loving yourself more and be selfish for once, just do it for your happiness.




Too much time or too little time


Rememeber this, we'll need time to ourselves; Strong relationships should be able to deal with periods of separation. This allows individual expression and individual growth. You must learn to accept that in order to last in a relationship.




A successful relationship require a certain level of tolerance of other's weaknesses. If we keep picking up on the faults of other people, expecting them to change, we create permanent tension. For example, your partner or friend may not share you judgement that they are faults. This  does not mean we have to ignore when others do wrong things, or ignore when you YOURSELF are doing the wrong things. My favorite phrase is that everything takes two hands to clap. Before you start looking at the faults of your partner, spend some time looking into the depth of the problem and find out what you did wrong too.

If your partner tells you where you're in the wrong, you should be able to cope with constructive critisim and suggestions. Don't become obsessed with noticing only the bad things and forgetting the good things they've done for you in the past.

One thing  about us humans is that we're kinda too attracted to noticing the faults of others, but it doesn't help relationships to do this. If you become too critical about all this, it'll create long term problems.





To tell you the truth, I'm speaking all this based on my recent relationship failure (Yes i just broke up recently and i'm single now). Though i'm still kinda upset, i'm trying to see the good in the bad . That's how i'm staying happy!

So here are some tips for those who're still in love

1) Focus on the things you can control such as your attitude, behavior, words and y your energy. If you want something to change in any stage of a loving relationship, make it your own traits or actions and not your partners.

2) Learn healthy ways to express your disappointment, anger or frustration. Never vent out your anger as you'll never know how much hurt you could inflict on your partner. A friend told me " When you're angry or sad, never say anything and try to isolate yourself. You'll never know if you might say anything on impulse which you might regret later on ". This made so much sense, don't you think so too?

3) Appreciate your partner's good qualities, be grateful for the life you share and gratitude can enhance all stages of relationships. Let your partner know how much you're thankful for them being in your lives, show a simple sign of appreciation whenever they do something to make you happy.

4) Your partner can't make you feel stupid or worthless! You're the owner of your own feelings. If you feel unfulfilled or sad about your life, look at your own dreams and goals. Are you pursueing the life you were meant to life? What's your motivation? What's your purpose in life? Are you following your heart? Develop your personality, mind and spirit. Figure out what will make you happy in this stage of love and create the life you were meant to live.



Okay that's all for today. I think i spent a little too much time on this blogpost! I'm having my first mid term examinations tomorrow and i've yet to get a start on them. I may be posting more about how to handle heartbreaks and othhers in due time.  For now, let me know what you think! :)

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