New image

Listening to Lana del Rey songs now as I'm typing this post out on my iPhone.

" Sometimes love is not enough and the road just gets tough " - Lana Del Rey

Actually I got woken up unexpectedly after receiving an SMS from Weemeimei. There were actually a couple of things and misunderstandings between us in the past but I hope that we're alright now.

Back to the topic, after I woke up... I suddenly realized a couple of things that I've failed to realize yesterday. One, for example - the reason as to why I'm changing my image.

I made a drastic change in my overall appearance yesterday, which included shopping for (really nice) clothes which costed me a bomb.

Many may think that I'm changing my image just so that I can try something new. But I think there's more to it. Throughout the whole process of the 'makeover', i questioned myself...

" why did I do it? "

" what's the purpose of me doing this? "

" what am I trying to prove? "

I asked myself these questions countless times yesterday.

Then, it just hit me. Now, I've finally realized what I've been doing

All along, all of my actions and change is just a way of how i'm trying to repent and change. But this whole process is just.... Weird for me.

I didn't realize why and what was the real purpose of me doing everything everything till now.

But to summarize it... (it's going to sound dramatic and you may judge me but... Whatever) the change was for me to have a brand new start. In a way that my heart itself, wanted a second chance with the people i've disappointed and hurt, to the point that It went on auto pilot mode, went on to change my overall look and hoping to start afresh all over again with those I've disappointed/hurt in the past.

I don't know how to phrase it well in words but I just wanted a second chance.

Someone important told me this " Word is cheap, use actions to prove and mean what you say instead ". In the end, the change i'm undergoing, perhaps, is just another form of how I'm trying to improve and repent by using my actions to prove it, instead of words.

Secondly, I've failed to realize that this change is also a way of telling me to start growing up. I'm no longer the korean crazed fan boy and I need to start acting a man. Start learning how to take matters into my own hands and handling them properly like how an adult does.

Honestly speaking, after all the Korean pretty boy image has stayed with me for the past 3 years. the drastic changes I've made today made me feel like I've lost a part of me.

But I believe that in the end, all the changes I've made will be for the better.

Sooooo yeah, this is how I look now, it looks much better in person though. Will be taking more pictures along the way.

Other than the new image i'm undergoing, I've finally managed to gain the courage to express how I feel all along and the things that are going on my mind to someone really important.

Finally, i'm able to take my step back, slowly, without any regrets (other than not meeting/knowing that person earlier). Knowing that my decision, though painful, would result in more happiness for that important someone....I'm actually happy. Happy that I am able to do this much for someone important.

I'll be back. This is my story.

" If only our memories are all wiped out. Perhaps maybe, just maybe we could just start all over again, happier. "

3 comments:

  1. wow... i think this is a really meaningful and good step in your live. it´s great to be a fan of something but you should always keep in head who you are and not to try be like the others(idols).
    i think you knew stlye looks really great! you looks fresh and happy~
    stay strong and never forget who you are! <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think.....you look better like this.
    Mature and all ;)
    Not that I'm disliking your pretty boy look, but you still look good here! :D

    ReplyDelete